apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
