I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm like, not good at living.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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