My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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