She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
