a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
