I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
