I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
