Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
