He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just found a bag of teeth...
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
God I need to hump something, right now.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
