yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Randomize
