god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
