Non-Jews are for practice
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
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