I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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