After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
