you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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