First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
