do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
