So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
