You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
