absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
