KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
