i jhust puked up my retainher.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
