oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Randomize