I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize