in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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