I just made out with a guy for $7.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
