man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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