So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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