we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
