the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
