is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
