I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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