I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
