I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize