u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
