So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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