OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
