I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
