No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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