I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
