just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
