I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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