Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
