there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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