my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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