My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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