i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
