let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize