Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
