WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
