Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
