Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Let's get the cat blown out
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
