Is it because I queefed?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
