I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
