Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize