Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
