I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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