I forgot how hot balto sounded
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
