Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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