I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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