naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Come on in and take your pants off
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