So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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