oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
