yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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