sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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