I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
The convent might be a nice break from real life
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
