hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
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