will power is for people who don't want to get laid
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
