I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
then he tried to convert me to islam
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
