He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
