i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
