grandma shit on top of the toilet
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
