Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize