I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
