STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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