I need help removing her.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
