If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
