I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
