If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
