He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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