I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Randomize
