Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
