Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
