I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I looked at my own cervix.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I have aggressive nipples.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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