I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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