is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
COCAINE IS GR8
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
