1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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