i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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