wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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