she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
We talked him into tasing himself.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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