your thong is hanging out like whoa
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
