I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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