i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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